Entre Mares e Planuras: March 2008

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Mundo Real ou Ficção?

Confesso que às vezes não sei em que Mundo vivemos se no real ou no da ficção. Isto a propósito desta noticia.
Então mas são precisos dois anos para perceber o engano? Será que em Taiwan ninguém reparou que as peças não eram para os helicópteros? E existe gente tão despistada na Força Aérea Norte-Americana que não repara na diferença entre uma bateria e partes de detonadores para misseis nucleares?
E diz-se isto assim para o Mundo esperando que todos aceitemos esta desculpa extremamente esfarrapada... certamente que a China irá fazer que acredita porque já tem confusões suficientes em ano de JO, e assim se continua a fazer toda a gente de parvo.
Se há coisa que me irrita é que me passem um atestado de estupidez, agora passar um atestado de estupidez global não é coisa para qualquer um, e também não de qualquer que o mundo aceita desculpas destas...enfim já dizia o outro: "Assim vão as glórias do mundo..." e que tristes glórias acrescento eu.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

John Cleese

Encontrei no 31 da Armada este fantástico texto de John Cleese:

"To the citizens of the United States of America :
In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour', "humour", "lanour" and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.

Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.

4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.

Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left immediately. At the same time, you will go metric - without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. The Former U.S.A. will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have erroneously been calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.
South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting Nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football - you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds, calling for a tweebie "free catch", or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, just like they regularly thrash us.

14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.
You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; and, of course, strawberries in season.

God save the Queen.

Only He can.

John Cleese"

Monday, March 24, 2008

Cliché - Il Divo

Sei que é cliché ser rapariga e gostar de Il Divo, mas enfim estes senhores conseguem o feito de me fazer voar dentro do meu próprio corpo e limpar-me a alma, é como se de repente tudo fosse possível. Além das maravilhosas vozes e das orquestrações maravilhosas....pronto ok e também não são assim feios de todo....coff, coff....
Como diz a letra as canções não são mais que pequenos comprimidos de felicidade mas comigo funcionam como nada mais.